I have this problem. I like to fancy myself a writer, except I hate almost everything I write so I like to fancy myself an amateur too.
I started this blog about 2 years ago and I was excited about it until people started telling me they liked it. Writing instantly became a burden because now with people reading I felt like I had to write things that people liked. It’s backwards but I must have expected people hate it; at least that way I could write because I had something to prove.
Anyways, I started this habit of writing, rereading, and hating everything I write. Some pieces I gave up on halfway, and some I deleted. Time came and went and my post became less frequent and my creativity dried up with my enthusiasm.
One day while looking through my folder I realize I had over 18 half-written post so I decided to go back through and at least edit some of them just in case I needed something to post (crazy, I know). Still they sat on my computer completely lifeless and not good enough until something amazing happened in my life.
I had a baby.
Baby shook me to my core. In just a few short months he taught me that everything I thought was important is actually minor and that what really matters above all is love. He showed me that it’s all around me and the more love I have, the more freedom will follow. To say he made me a better person is an understatement; he made me more real.
And suddenly, I felt this strong urge to break free from my own limitations and accept more love into my life. One way is by doing what I love, regardless of what people think. Maybe I had nothing to hide anymore because I had given everything to Baby but for the first time in my life I felt courage – the kind that comes from being completely raw. So I went back to my articles and started posting them one by one. With each article marked as published, I felt lighter, happier, and more like my true self. It is finally time for me to join in on life and take in all the love it is offering.
Fear tells us we can’t and ask us ‘what if’ but sometimes you just have to take a deep breath, trust
and hit ‘publish’