I decided some time ago that it’s time for Leahdubs.com to die.
I’m not sure if it’s ADHD or divine intervention that makes me change direction so quickly all the time. One day I am completely inspired, and with enthusiasm I endeavor to create something wonderful from the pieces of my busy mind. Eventually after some hard work, all I feel like I’ve created is a grand mess.
Next, I suddenly hate the thought of my creation, and it must die. Now I know you’re not supposed to do this. I know all about the ‘suffer until you win’ culture in America. It is of course the holy grail of greatness and fulfillment. Haven’t you heard?
Basically if you’re not miserable grinding yourself to a nub, you’re not a winner.
Truth is I did that already (curios much?) and you know what, it turned out the same as this. One day it no longer served me, so I had to let it die. The only difference is that leahdubs left me no battle wounds to talk through in therapy.
Anyways, I don’t like suffering much, and maybe that will cost me my ticket to greatness. I guess that’s my achilles heel and I guess I’ll just have to make sure it doesn’t kill me – or make me bitter.
*insert exhausted insomniatic sigh*
I guess this whole thing begs the question “what the hell happened? Why does leahdubs.com have to die?”
Truth is (much like myself) I don’t know what the hell it is, what it’s supposed to be, and how to make it all nice like.
You know. . . something that people would actually take interest in. Something that contributes to the world. Something worth more than the value it holds in my dreams.
Instead (much like myself) it’s just floating here – in cyberworld. Being a bunch of nothing I suppose. And (much like myself) it keeps me up at night with the ‘what-ifs.’ The riddle is driving me nuts and since I don’t like suffering, I’ll just take pride in the demolition.
At the same time, I love it. It is indeed a part of me – a close and very special part of me. And if I kill it, I’ll feel a little more empty. If I hold on to it and change it to be more ‘successful’ I’ll kill the part of it that makes it me.
Nevertheless, it does feel like something that should be here existing in cyberspace, so be it.
I will send leahdubs.com off to float with a last post.
Leahdubs.com started in 2017 as a spin off to her Quora account. The founder, Leah, wanted a place to express herself without waiting for someone to ask the right question. It began as a motivational-fitness-blog-thing and morphed into a diary-life-lesson-type-thing over it’s 3 short lived years.
It saw Leah through bodybuilding, her wedding, and her entry into motherhood – big deal events in her adult life. Here you will find scattered pieces of Leah’s creativity – a worded mural of sorts.
A beautiful mosaic of poetry, journaling, blogging, and change.
Here you will find – above all else – love.
For Leah did love it so; every article, every picture, every color and every word. Even the editing blunders, which seemed a nuisance at first, are now a part of its perfection.
There were some bad times, but mostly good ones. Leahdubs leaves behind Leah’s personal favorites (in order of favoritism):
The Dance with Words
The End
Sweet Grief
Mother
Leahdubs.com will forever be remembered as Leah’s emergence party as her true self into this world and that’s what makes it special. It was her own little corner of the world, safe from her own judging eyes, where she could just be. Maybe one day it will return from the dead, but I wouldn’t count on it. Some things are better left polished and gently stored away, just the way they are.
Herein lies leahdubs.com. Love it. Hate it. Meh it.
It’s all cool in the game with me.