When I’m feeling lost and all alone, where do I go?
A blank slate stares back at me, patiently waiting for something from inside to come out and joins me on this snowy day. But it seems as though the bitter cold froze me.
As I rise to cloud nine my fingers tap tap tap tap away trying to make sense of the things inside, perhaps screaming so loudly they fade out – sounds so indistinguishable from one another it might as well be as good as silence. Maybe that’s what I’m addicted to – the threshold of chaos that stretches beyond comprehension because peace feels too far away. It feels too far behind to turn back now.
Inhale one
Exhale one.
Inhale two
Exhale two.
Inhale three
Exhale three.
The noises start to roll in, and from my rising level of awareness I can see them now marching forward. Staring me right between the eyes
Expressionless
Then swiftly turning away. To the left. Then the right. Then to the left. Then the right.
Do I follow them? Which ones will lead the way? Now I am stuck . . . against my will. Stuck staring at the expressionless faces of all my ghosts marching toward me in a straight line and swiftly turning away. They start to look familiar, or rather they start to feel familiar because I still can’t place them exactly.
What do they want?
One by one they exit to the right, then to the left, right, left, and right. With them they take the weight of the world but my eyes and my body start to weigh heavier and heavier. I don’t want to tap tap tap away anymore. I don’t want to stand. I don’t want to sit. I don’t want to think. Finally, I don’t want to cry.
I just want to stare into nothingness behind the walls of my demons marching toward me in a straight line.
And behind the walls of myself, I find everything in nothing.