The brutal transition into motherhood which left me dejected also brought with it a light of hope that led me right where I needed to be. The person I am today is a new person, probably only as old as my children; a toddler I am, fumbling my way through the path of authenticity and self expression. I’m making bold mistakes, soaking in the new world around me like a sponge, and mostly kicking and screaming through it all.
I’ve turned to cannabis to help me build the confidence I need to endure the mini dramas of life with grace, style and humor. Here is how I am using it to build long lasting confidence in my journey.
Intention
Most of us experience the hell that is modern living – the main feature is continuous overstimulation. Life is busy and our brains are working hard to keep up with the demands. Lately I’ve been setting an intention with my sessions. For the most part, that intention is something as simple as relaxation, or a minute to mentally unplug from the digital madness with an observer’s point of view. Recently, I’ve been studying the recurring thoughts that normally make me feel heavy from a heightened state of awareness. The ritual isn’t anything worth calling a ritual, rather it’s observing my thoughts before I get high, and then revisiting those same thoughts while I’m high. Often I find they are much smaller and easier to digest from the sky.
Making space
I’m not sure where the negative stereotype of the lazy stoner came from. Honestly, we need to chill out way more, so to get high and lay down on the couch is (in my opinion) just what the doctor should order anyway. Other than giving myself permission to relax as a regular part of life, marijuana is the antidote for laziness. Most often, boredom or laziness is a complete lack of inspiration and purpose. With my head in the clouds, I find air to breathe and therefore more space for a grounded productive routine.
This space also transcends my daily routine. I find there is space for more productive conversations, clear decision making, and creative flow. The distracting noise from within clouds our vision of our place in the world. Cannabis helps to clear the muddy waters with a more clear vision of what our experience is like in truth.
Acceptance
Intention maximizes the spiritual benefits of my high. Then, after zooming out on myself and finding (literal) space, I can navigate my actions with more clarity and less pressure to ‘get it right.’ Finally there is a portion of acceptance for it all that ties the experience together to make for good mental and spiritual repair.
Before I started smoking marijuana I was told it was a gateway drug and a dangerous escape. We shouldn’t be trying to escape our problems, they say. I was initially afraid of smoking because I thought I would lose control, but I’ve realized that control is just a more organized form of fear. Not to mention, this warning that cannabis is the only thing keeping a perfectly rational person from being a delinquent is more about the individual and less about the plant. I’ve managed to keep my head on straight enough. In essence, the only thing I’ve lost over the years is fear.
I’ve never been high and completely immune to hardship or discomfort at the same time. A good high is always, ALWAYS, at risk for being blown. What it does instead is offer an antidote for fear – acceptance.
Vibe
Lastly, but certainly not leastly, the vibes tell me where to go. Listen to music, write, dance, laugh, sing, exercise, clean up, sleep, play video games, drink water, take a nap, shower, have a snack, go outside. Each and every one of us is a vibe and when we follow the vibes that are inside of us, we are the truest version of ourselves. To vibe with yourself is the purest form of self care and to trust whatever vibe you are feeling for is a powerful confidence building activity anyone can do on or off the moon.
Cannabis has been the gateway for me to find a vast openness of discovery and the confidence to know that what I discover to be true for me is the realest.